thus making me awesome and them whores
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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