youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
