Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
