I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
