He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
