they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
