You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
