so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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