How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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