You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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