what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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