i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
