end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
