woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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