also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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