ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
