Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
