I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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