Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
