jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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