I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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