Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
