I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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