I'm so fucking centered right now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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