I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
