I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
