bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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