i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
