I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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