turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can I color on your dick again?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
