I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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