I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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