I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
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