dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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