is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
