Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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