Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
