apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
