roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
