no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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