Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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