I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
