I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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