Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Me too!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
