this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
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Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize