FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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