You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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