It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
