Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
