i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize