Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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