so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
