do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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