pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
