I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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