she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
