turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
