haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
