and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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