omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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