I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
