Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
