get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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