WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
